


Nothingness

by 95vmin



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Cover Relationship, Feels, Fluff, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Past Abuse, Past Rape, Past Relationship(s), Shame, Smutt, Unrequited Love, flamboyant louis, like a lot of fluff, non Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:12:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/95vmin/pseuds/95vmin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lewis Deakin is a successful writer, with a career only heading towards higher success.<br/>Until he goes for a holiday in Costa Esmeralda, and stories from his past start remerging after his life collides again with the one and only Harry Styles.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nothingness

**Author's Note:**

> I will upload and continue the story only if Isee that people like it, so I hope you enjoy it!
> 
>  
> 
> Come and say hi to me on TUMBLR:   
> Tomlindaughter-af.tumblr.com  
> Tomlindaughter-af.tumblr.com  
> Tomlindaughter-af.tumblr.com

‘Because at the moment that was Lucas’ only goal: escaping Nothingness. Escaping this void filled with constant darkness and the steady reminder of disappearing.’

From ‘Nothingness’- The Pyramids Trilogy

The sunlight filtered through the curtains cast golden reflexes around the walls. The living room was silent, the only sound coming from the stereo on the other side of the door. The soft melody of the Ninth Symphony of Beethoven was the only noise that filled the entire mansion at the moment. 

The man sat on the comfy sofa, sipping the soft drink he had been handed upon his entrance. He put down the glass of champagneand tapped his fingers to the rhythm of the song on his lap. He ran a hand through his light hair and traced the title of the book with his fingertips. He reverently traced them on the word “Nothingness” and the name of the author - Lewis D. . Trying to get an appointment with Lewis had become increasingly difficult after the success of his second book, “Floating”. Mr Lewis was a hard man to figure out, at times. He seemed someone who truly enjoyed writing, but at the same time, there was some sort of wariness about him. He rarely ever conducted interviews, and when he did, you were left with more questions than answers. Nothing about his life prior the age of 18 was accessible. It was as if the man had suddenly appeared out of nowhere after finishing his degree in English.

The door of the living room opened and a man stepped inside. He was tall with curly brown hair and a gentle smile on his lips. He was well built and had chocolate brown eyes. He walked into the room, a tray of sandwiches in his hand. He came to a stop on the table in front of the man. 

“Mr Edison.” Said the man, giving him a nod. 

The other man, Mr Edison, sat straighter on the sofa. “I believe Mr Deakin will be with me soon...?”, he asked, trying to sound confident.

A strange look passed the younger man's face. “Mr Deakin will be with you when he’s ready”, was the answer that Mr Edison received. He didn’t raise his voice or change his tone, but he didn’t need to. The warning rang well and clear in Mr Edison’s ears. He smiled apologetically and slumped in a more comfy position on the sofa. He had been waiting for over twenty minutes at the moment, but he didn’t complain. Most people would be lucky to be even accepted in the Deakin’s mansion.

Mr Edison studied the young man, as he carefully laid a teacup on the coffee table. The man was Liam Payne and he worked as secretary for Mr Lewis Deakin. There wasn’t much secret about the secretary; he was one of those young kids from outside London who came to the big cities looking for fame. In Liam’s case, he'd come to London pursuing a career as a singer. He'd auditioned for the X-Factor but was cut off in the first round. He had then chosen to remain in London and had applied for different jobs. Liam had worked for Mr Edison for a while before he quit, complaining that he was not paid adequately for his job. Mr Edison might or might not have been a little gutted about him leaving because, you have to admit it, Liam was an excellent employee. And very trustworthy as well. So Mr Edison had gone out and beyond his way to make sure Liam Payne was not going to be employed anywhere else, to try and force him to come back. But then Lewis Deakin came along, ignored completely everything anyone in position of power had to say, and employed Liam. And Liam was still working for him after two whole years.

“Would you like a sandwich?” offered Liam, courteously. Mr Edison declined, and checked his watch for what felt like the 100th time that day. What was absurd was that he was willing to wait as long as it was necessary if it meant having a chance to talk to Mr Deakin. 

The music from the stereo stopped abruptly. Liam’s head turned towards it for a second, before turning back towards Mr Edison. “I think Mr Deakin is coming, yes”, he announced. Mr Edison sat up straighter, so ready to meet the man that was behind the master piece that was ‘Nothingness’.

The door of the studio opened, and Mr Deakin entered. The first thing that stuck out to Mr Edison, like every time he had seen the man, were his hands. There was something slightly endearing about them. Perhaps it was the size of them or their delicate frame. He wasn’t very tall for a man of his age, but it worked perfectly for him. He was wearing a simple purple jumper, the sleeves pulled up to reveal the tattooed arms. His grey jeans were folded at the ankles, and, as per usual, he wasn’t wearing any socks in his shoes. Another one of his trademarks were the vans trainers he wore. Mr Edison could not recall a single time where the man had worn something other than vans. He'd even worn those trainers to the MTV Awards when he'd attended the, with the cast of the film to his best-selling book.

His fringe under the grey beanie almost covered his deep blue eyes. It was actually incorrect to say that his eyes were blue; they were more like the colour of the ocean: it differed from green to grey and to blue and all the shades in between. 

The man arched an eyebrow at the untouched sandwiches on the coffee table as he sat down on the sofa exactly opposite Mr Edison. “Good evening, Mr Edison”, he said.

His voice was higher than you would have expected, and yet had a raspy edge to it. He smiled in Liam’s direction when the man immediately poured him a cup of tea.

“Good evening, Mr Deakin”, answered Mr Edison politely, barely containing his excitement. 

Mr Deakin however was looking at Liam making tea with an eyebrow arched. “I really hope that’s not my tea”, he said, after watching the man pour two sugars in and _then_ adding the milk. 

Liam just smirked, and shook his head. “No, sir. This is for Mr Edison.” 

Mr Edison stopped him immediately. “No, please. I still have this”, he said, pointing in the direction of his glass of champagne. Liam shrugged, and Mr Edison had to physically refrain himself from making a snarky comment about manners. Lewis didn’t seem to mind it at all as he poured milk in his cup. After pouring the milk, he added the tea, mixing it all with the spoon. He sipped the tea and made a content noise. He then put down the cup and turned to look at Mr Edison. “How can I help you today, Mr Edison?”.

Mr Edison already knew he had to be careful with his wording around Lewis. He smiled, as he picked up one of the two volumes from the table, ‘Nothingness’ and ‘Floating’. “As I already told your secretary, I called to inquire about the third book.” 

Mr Deakin studied the sandwiches on the table, before picking one up. He took a bitebefore answering Mr Edison. His eyes looked crystal blue and the corners of his mouth were curled in a tiny smirk as he spoke. “No comment.”

To be fair, Mr Edison had been expecting this sort of answer. It was not the first time he and Lewis had addressed this issue and every time he had to leave with a vague answer and no facts. It was growing incredibly frustrating. He took a deep breath before asserting. “You have a contract with our editorial house, Mr Deakin. In the contract you made abundantly clear that your collection would be a trilogy. Obviously time frames were not set, but as you may know, your contract will be ending soon. We need to get the third book before then or we will have to take legal action against you, sir.”

An amused look flickered across Lewis’ face. The young man put down the barely eaten sandwich and arched an eyebrow. “Are you... threatening me?”, he asked.

Mr Edison immediately backed away. “Of course not.” 

Lewis smiled. “For a second I thought you were.” He took a long sip from the cup before talking again. “And about the third book, don’t worry. I am sure you will receive a draft of it soon.” He put the cup down and stood up.

Reluctantly, Mr Edison mirrored him and stood up. It was clear that he had just been dismissed. “Thank you for the visit, Mr Edison”, he said as he stretched out his hand.

Mr Edison held it and squeezed it gently but firmly. The visit had been an utter disappointment. He had come with the hope of getting a dead line and force Lewis to give him, or show him, a draft of the work, anything, so that Mr Edison would have known that, yes, he was actually doing some work, but he'd ended up with nothing.

“Liam will show you the door”, said Lewis as he sat back down on the sofa. Mr Edison nodded once before being escorted outside.

Lewis stood up and walked up to the window, looking at the panorama outside. The sun was about to go down, and the reddish shades of the sunset illuminated the city of London. From his point of view he could clearly see the River Thames, and the busy streets never seemed so chaotic. It made him feel peaceful, standing there looking at the stress and chaos outside and sipping tea, knowing that nothing could reach him. It gave him a sense of odd satisfaction.

“Lewis, sir.” Liam’ voice brought him back from his fantasies, and Lewis turned to face him. The younger man looked slightly uncomfortable and yet firm. Lewis did not like that look. It usually meant that Liam had some sort of plan to get him to do something.

Liam was a good guy. When, after the success of his first book, Lewis had started looking for a secretary and someone to help him around, he had received many applications. Liam was one of the first ones to apply and Louis had at first been suspicious of the guy. 

Liam didn’t have a good reputation around London. Many people had warned him about Liam, saying that he was the stereotypical guy who did absolutely nothing but pretended to be paid more than average. Louis had always hated rumours, and always chose to meet a person personally before voicing an opinion about them. He had learned to always trust his own senses.

The reason why Lewis had been suspicious of Liam, at least at first, was the kindness of the boy and his intelligence. Liam was quick and smart, and quite intuitive. 

But his kindness and the fact that he was great at his job had overpowered Lewis’ suspicion. And employing the guy turned out to be a great choice. He probably would not even be able to function correctly without Liam.

“Yes, Liam? And don’t call me sir”, said Lewis, sipping his tea. He and Liam now were more like friends than employee and employer. And Lewis always found it being called “sir” awkward.

Liam sighed as he sat down on one of the chairs. “I think you need to take a break.” 

Lewis squinted his eyes at that. He had still a lot of work to do on the third book, and as MrEdison reminded him, the deadline of his contract was quickly approaching. He ran a and through his hair to fix his beanie and looked at him in suspicion. “What do you mean?”

Liam shrugged. “You seem incredibly tired this days. I also noticed that you haven’t even started writing your third book. You are clearly stressed”, tried the young man.

Lewis regarded him with a cold glare. “Thank you for reminding me of that.”

Liam rolled his eyes. “There is no point if you're pushing yourself so hard. You might as well give up. That’s not what the fans want; they love your writing when it's genuine and not forced and rushed.”

Liam stood up. “I will look up some places that might interest you”, he concluded, walking away towards his own office.

Lewis watched him walking away and shook his head. Liam always got what he wanted. This didn’t however stop him from calling out. “Don’t slack off your work for this! And I haven’t agreed to anything!”

The only answer he got was Liam’s soft chuckle. And Lewis couldn’t help and smile, as he sipped the rest of his tea and walked back into the studio.

  
  
  
---  
|   
  
‘Lucas was tired. Fighting seemed like a futile thing to do at the moment. It was like being held in a prison, a prison made of gold. Everything around him was luxurious and exquisite and was freely made available. It’s hard to fight what pleasures you.’

From ‘Nothingness’- The Pyramids Trilogy

Liam stepped out of his car, a leaflet clutched in his right hand. Another good thing about being Lewis Deakin's secretary was that he got to work in Lewis’ house, since Lewis mostly worked from his own home. It was quite relaxing, not having to work in one of the busy streets of London or, worse, in a whole building full of other people. 

He lazily wondered if he could be able to convince Lewis to go on that holiday or not as he opened the door of the mansion with his spare key. The fact that he had a spare key to his house said something about the level of trust Lewis held on him. One thing Liam had noticed about his employer was how he always made sure no one knew much about him. He was a very secretive person and a very suspicious of everyone to begin with.

Liam entered the house and walked straight to the office Lewis had set up for him. He turned on the computer to check on that day’s schedule first. He was positive thatLewis didn’t have anything important to attend, but he was always one to double check everything. As the computer loaded, he made himself a coffee with the coffee machine Lewis had gotten for him the previous Christmas. It was the latest model apparently. One thing he had learnt about Lewis, along with the fact that he wasn’t a coffee person, was that he had a very big heart. It was nice, at least for Liam, to see how the fame didn’t go to his head at all.

What amused Liam the most was when he went out with Lewis to some fancy event and Lewis was surprised by the amount of girls and boys that stopped him to talk about his book. Lewis always had a special smile when this happened. It was in moment like that that you saw how much he loved his job as a writer.

He took his coffee and gulped it down in a few seconds, before turning to look at the computer. He swiftly typed in the password and scrolled down the page, relaxing when he saw the empty page. He then opened the agenda and frowned. There was a small note that he'd made himself days ago and had completely forgotten about. ‘Lewis needs to call, Lottie’s birthday’.

He made his way towards Lewis’ bedroom few minutes later, the agenda and the leaflet in his hands. He thought again about how secretive Lewis was about everything. He knew Lottie was Lewis’ younger sister, but he had never seen a picture of her or met her. Which he kind of found weird, since Lewis seemed to have such a good relationship with her. He knew small details about Lewis’ family. He knew he had 4 sisters and 2 younger brothers. He only knew their names and nothing else. Liam guessed they were all younger than him, but Lewis had never mentioned it. All he knew about Lewis’ mum was that her name was Jay and that she had married someone recently. Lewis had never told him anything about his mother’s husband or about his own father. Liam had noticed how his all demeanour changed whenever Liam mentioned something about parents, and guessed that Lewis didn’t really like talking about his own father.

It was not like Liam didn’t get curious. He had tried to research information about Lewis, as creepy as this might sound, but he'd found nothing. How Lewis had managed to keep his whole life so away from the press was beyond him. And more importantly: why? Why did he keep his private life so locked away?

Liam shrugged, pushing the thoughts to the back of his head. If there was something Lewis hated more than annoying people, it was nosy people. He knocked at the door, and Lewis answered immediately. Liam pushed the door open and stepped in.

Lewis’ bedroom was quite simple. It had a huge canopy bed placed in the middle of the room. A huge wardrobe and a desk on the other side. A carpet and a few paintings decorated the other ways white room. 

Lewis was sitting in the middle of the bed with his legs crossed. His laptop was open in front of him on a blank word page. He was frowning at the laptop and scratching his head. Liam had seen that expression before. Lewis was stressed. He had a pink bow in his hair, which was not very unusual. Lewis owned a big variety of bows for his hair. He was wearing a sweater that was so obviously too big for him and a pair of leggings.

Lewis wasn’t really genderfluid, since he never identified himself as a girl. He liked dressing in pretty things however, and although he had found it weird at first, Liam had grown used to it. And, although he would never admit it out loud, Lewis had a great arse that looked quite good in leggings. 

Lewis didn’t look at him when he entered the room and sourly ate his ice cream as he stared at the screen. Then he sighed loudly and pushed the laptop away with his foot before turning to face Liam. 

Liam could see the bags under Lewis’ eyes when the boy turned to talk to him. “Liam. Good morning”, he said, rubbing his eyes.

Liam shook his head as he grabbed a chair and took a seat next to Lewis. “Hello, Lewis. You don’t look like you're in a great shape”, he started, laying the leaflet on the bed.

Lewis’ eyes flickered on the piece of paper. He took another spoonful of ice cream and left the spoon in his mouth as he decided to take a look at the leaflet.

His eyes scanned the writing on top of the paper and he arched an eyebrow.“Costa Esmeralda?”, he asked Liam.

The boy shrugged. “It has the best weather, best price and least amount of normal or nosy people around. Not many celebrities go there during this time of the year, either. It’s the perfect place to go and relax. I'm sure you will love it.” He didn’t give Lewis a chance to answer, as he spoke again. “And you need to call Lottie for her birthday, in case you forgot.”

At the mention of his sister, Lewis’ whole posture changed. He tilted his head to the side and fixed his bow. “Um. I already called her this morning.” He answered. Then he looked at Liam in the eye. He had that kind of look that only his sea blue eyes could muster when he wanted to know the truth. “You have her birthday recorded on your agenda?”, he asked.

Liam shook his head immediately. “No. Of course no. You told me to remind you last week. Do you remember?”

Lewis visibly relaxed and took another spoonful of ice cream. Liam watched him slurping it for a few seconds, before he took it away. Lewis glared at him and crossed his arms on his chest. “What do you think you are doing, Liam?”, he asked him, an eyebrow raised.

Liam ignored him, and closed his laptop as well, placing both the food and the laptop on the desk. Then he turned to face Lewis. “I am going to book you a flight for Costa Esmeralda. For once, focus on your health and don’t think about working. You don’t even know, you might find your inspiration there.”

Lewis snorted, and shook his head. “Is would invite you to come along, but I don’t like Danielle”, he confided, carefully studying his nails. He needed to go and get a manicure soon.

Liam stiffened. “Me and Danielle broke up”, he admitted. It kind of hurt because Liam really liked the girl. But he wasn’t left with much of a choice when he caught her cheating for the third time within a month.

Lewis raised his hands to the sky. “Finally! I would like to thank not only god, but also Jesus.”

Liam tried to look annoyed, but it didn’t work with the disarming smile Lewis was giving him. He ended up rolling his eyes as he walked out of the room.

When he came back half an hour later, he found Lewis wide awake, his phone in his hands. He had a concentrated expression on his face and, in the dim light of the room - the curtains where closed - the bags under his eyes were more noticeable than ever.

“You can’t sleep if you keep doing whatever you are doing on your phone”, spoke Liam after a few seconds. 

Lewis didn’t raise his head from the phone. “Maybe I can’t sleep?”

Liam sighed because it was nothing that hadn’t happened before. It just that he didn’t want it to become a habit. He closed the door of Lewis’ room and took his shoes off as he climbed on Lewis’ bed. He took the phone from Lewis’ hands and held him tight as he pulled him tight in a hug. “And now sleep”, he mumbled into Lewis’ hand.

Anyone else might have found this weird, but Liam was used to it. Lewis was not great at taking care of himself, which was another reason why he'd needed a secretary that worked from his house. Other ways Lewis lived all alone in his big mansion with the only company of his piano and phone. For the whole 2 years of working with Lewis, the man had never brought home a girl. Or a boy. Liam was almost certain that Lewis was gay, or at least bisexual, although the man had never said anything about his sexuality. It was the little things that Lewis said every now and then that had lead him to believe this. In one of the few interviews Lewis had recorded he had been asked about what his dream girl would be like and Lewis had described her as “someone who is kind and wouldn’t mind my stubborn arse for more than a month”. And it was also for the small, but relevant detail that very few straight men would let another man cuddle with them in bed that easily.

“You are not getting a rise in pay check because of this”, huffed Lewis, but he didn’t try and push him off. Lewis was a cuddler in his core. “And you ruined my bow.”

Liam laughed softly into Lewis’ hair and he could feel Lewis finally relaxing a bit in his arms. Lewis was quiet for a few minutes before saying, “Just because I'm feeling generous, you can get yourself a ticket to Costa Esmeralda as well. Its on me.”

Liam kissed the back of Lewis’ head and received a small elbow in his stomach as payback. “Ouch. Okay. Now sleep before I'm forced to drug you.”  
  
---  
|   
  
 

‘Fate works in mysterious ways. One second you are looking for a job, the next you are trying to save the fate of the entire humanity.’

From ‘Nothingness’- The Pyramids Trilogy

Lewis didn’t really mind flying, it was just something that he didn’t really do that often. He preferred people coming to him than having to go around to meet them. Usually he would fly with Liam, or more rarely, with his family, but this time both him and Liam had decided to take separate vacations.

Although he would never admit it out loud, he preferred travelling with Liam. Liam was some sort of calming figure in his mind. There was something about him that made Lewis sure that whatever went wrong, Liam Payne would fix it.

He noticed the small crowd in front of the check in and rolled his eyes. He seriously wasn’t in the mood for meeting any fans, so he hoped no one was there for him. He pushed his fedora down, partially covering his face as he passed the small gathering. And apparently no one was actually there for him; he recognised a singer, Perrie Edwards, standing there with a tall man. Her blonde hair was worked in an elaborated bun that made her look very sophisticate and classy. Lewis had met her before and he'd heard many of her songs. They were friends, but not very close.

The man next to her was probably her boyfriend or agent or something like that; Lewis guessed. He had dark hair with a blonde streak in the middle of his quiffed fringe. He had sunglasses on and wore a displeased expression as he and Perrie made their way towards the check in.

Lewis moved in as well, hoping that Perrie wouldn’t notice him.

***

Lewis found his seat and made himself comfortable. He took off his fedora and stretched his legs. He felt a sense of calmness as it finally sunk in. He was going on a holiday. He hadn’t been on holiday in ages, it almost felt surreal. The plane was minutes away from starting, so he pulled the seat belt on and took a chewing gum. Liam had once told him that chewing gums on planes helped the sense of nausea, and when was Liam ever wrong?

He saw Perrie walking past him without sparing him a glance and exhaled. It was not like he didn’t want to talk to her, it was just that he wasn’t in the mood of ending up on some newspaper because he had been seen talking to famous Perrie Edwards. He had been trying for a long time to keep his reputation scandal free, and he'd been successful so far. 

He was careful about how he behaved in public, how he answered questions and the amount of information about himself he gave out. There was a reason why the press knew nothing about his family situation.

He shook this thoughts out of his head as he saw the man that was at the airport with Perrie sitting across of him. He seemed uneasy, and his face had a greenish shade now. There was something about him that made Lewis feel as if he knew him,but Lewis didn’t know what it could have been. 

The man sitting opposite him seriously seemed about to be sick and since Lewis was quite fond of his new Vans and his black jeans, he wasn’t about to let someone destroy them. That was the only reason why Lewis offered him a pack of chewinggum. The man looked at Lewis’ hand in confusion. Lewis suppressed the urge to roll his eyes. “For the nausea. Chewing gum helps”, he explained. The man still stared at him, and for a moment Lewis wondered whether or not he spoke English.

But then he took the chewing gum from Lewis’ packet and smiled gratefully at him. “Thank you”, he said and Lewis needed just a second to recognise the thick Yorkshire accent in his voice. He frowned, but shrugged, sitting back on his seat.

The other man was looking at him with a strange expression on his face, as if he wanted to say something but wasn’t sure about it. Lewis ignored his stare for a few seconds, but when the man didn’t stop staring, he snapped at him, with a sarcastic tone. “Anything I can help you with?”. His eyebrows were risen as high as possible.

The man blushed, and looked down at his hands. Then he took he looked back at Lewis. “Um, sorry. I was just wondering... do you know anything else that can help with the nausea?”, he asked shyly.

_ Great,  _ thought Lewis, _t_ _hat’s what you get for being nice to someone_. It’s not like he was a mean person and didn’t want to help the other man. It was just that he had wanted a calm journey for once, but no, he had to help the poor human being that seemed to be scared of flying.

He put down his phone and did his best to smile to the man. He seemed didn’t seem much younger than Lewis. “Okay. So...”. He wasn’t sure how to calm the boy, so he decided to just start reciting all the advices Liam always repeated every time they went on plane trips. “Well, music helps. Listening to music always help you distract from the journey. Avoid looking out of the windows. Just avoid thinking about the journey altogether... yes, that’s it...?”. The last part came out as more of a question because now the man was looking at him in clear surprise.

He finally took his sunglasses off, and Lewis found himself looking at a pair of hazelnut eyes. A flick of recognition went through the man’s eyes, making Lewis' stomach drop. He himself had noticed something familiar about the boy and now he suddenly remembered him.

“Louis Tomlinson!”, called the man. Lewis quickly looked around him to see if anyone noticed. He had been always very careful about his name. No one in his new life knew about it. He had been calling himself Lewis Deakin since he'd finished High School. And now, out of nowhere, someone recognised him.

He now remembered who the other man was: Zayn Malik. He used to go to the same High School as Louis. Louis hadn’t seen him in almost 8 years, and would have happily continued his life like that, thank you very much.

“Zayn”, he answered. It was not like he and Zayn hadn't been friends in high school. They had been. But 24-year-old Lewis Deakin was not the same person as 16-year-old Louis Tomlinson. He had always made sure the two worlds didn’t collide. 

This was going to be a long holiday.

 

**Author's Note:**

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